I’m 47, and I Still Don’t Know What I’m Doing
Let’s get one thing straight: I’m not some guru. I don’t have it all figured out. I’m just a guy who’s been around the block a few times and has made alot of mistakes. I’m Dave. I live in a small apartment in Portland with my cat, Mr. Whiskers (don’t judge). I work as a senior editor for a lifestyle magazine, which honestly sounds fancier than it is.
I remember sitting in my tiny dorm room at Ohio State in 1995, thinking, “Okay, Dave, you’ve got this. Adulting is gonna be a breeze.” Ha! What a joke. I was clueless. And honestly? I still am, to some extent.
Why Can’t We Just Admit We’re Winging It?
We’re all just making it up as we go, right? I mean, look at me. I’m 47 years old, and I still don’t know how to fold a fitted sheet. I tried last Tuesday. It was a disaster. My friend Marcus—let’s call him Marcus because his real name is embarrassing—he laughed so hard he snorted. “Dave,” he said, “just throw it in the closet like the rest of us.” Fair enough.
But here’s the thing: that’s life. We’re all just trying to figure it out, one poorly folded fitted sheet at a time. And that’s okay. It’s more than okay—it’s normal. So why do we act like we’ve got it all together? Why do we pretend?
The Great Pretenders
I was at a conference in Austin last year, and I swear, every other person was handing out business cards like they were life rafts and we were all drowning. “Hi, I’m Susan, and I’m a life coach.” “Nice to meet you, Susan, I’m Dave, and I’m a hot mess.” (I didn’t actually say that. I’m not that brave.)
But seriously, when did we decide that admitting we’re winging it is a bad thing? When did we start pretending that we know exactly what we’re doing, all the time? I don’t know about you, but I’m over it. I’m over the pretending. I’m over the posturing. I’m over the “I’ve got it all together” act.
I’d rather be real. I’d rather be honest. I’d rather say, “You know what? I have no idea what I’m doing, and that’s okay.” Because it is okay. It’s more than okay—it’s human.
How to Embrace the Chaos
So how do we embrace the chaos? How do we stop pretending and start living? I’m not sure I have all the answers, but I’ve got a few thoughts.
First, stop comparing yourself to others. I know, I know—easier said than done. But seriously, stop. Everyone’s journey is different. Everyone’s timeline is different. Everyone’s definition of “success” is different. So quit looking at what everyone else is doing and focus on what you’re doing. Or, you know, don’t focus on it too much. Sometimes it’s better to just go with the flow.
Second, give yourself a break. You’re doing the best you can. You’re trying. That counts for something. It counts for alot, actually. So cut yourself some slack. You don’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to have it all figured out. You just have to keep moving forward, one messy step at a time.
Third, talk to people. I mean, really talk to them. Not about the weather or the latest episode of whatever show everyone’s obsessed with, but about real stuff. About life. About struggles. About fears. About hopes and dreams. You’d be surprised how many people are feeling the same way you are. You’d be surprised how much better you’ll feel after talking about it.
I did this a few months ago. I was having a rough week—work was stressful, Mr. Whiskers was being extra needy, and I couldn’t for the life of me figure out how to unclog my sink. So I called up my friend Lisa. We met for coffee at the place on 5th, and I just… talked. I told her about work, about Mr. Whiskers, about the sink. And you know what? It helped. It helped alot.
And finally, laugh at yourself. Laugh at the absurdity of it all. Laugh at the fact that you’re 47 years old and still can’t fold a fitted sheet. Laugh at the fact that you’re trying to adult and failing miserably. Laugh at the chaos. Because if you can’t laugh at it, what’s the point?
Wait, What Were We Talking About?
Oh, right. Adulting. Or, more accurately, the lack thereof. Look, I’m not saying we should all just give up and accept that we’ll never have it together. I’m saying we should accept that it’s okay not to have it together all the time. It’s okay to be a work in progress. It’s okay to be a hot mess sometimes.
So here’s to the messy, glorious art of adulting. Here’s to the chaos. Here’s to the journey. May we all find a way to embrace it, laugh at it, and maybe—just maybe—figure it out along the way.
And if all else fails, there’s always travel rewards credit card review to help you escape it all for a little while. (Kidding! …Or am I?)
About the Author: Dave is a senior editor at a lifestyle magazine, a self-proclaimed hot mess, and a proud resident of Portland. He loves his cat, Mr. Whiskers, hates folding fitted sheets, and is always up for a good laugh. You can find him on Twitter @DaveTheMess.
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